Party On Dude!

In a recent report by CBS News (they DO report news once in awhile), it has come to light that the Justice Department, you know the guys who thought members of the New Black Panther Party were just performing “community outreach” at the polls in Philadelphia in 2008 when they waved a nightstick and yelled “redneck you’re about to ruled by a black man” at white folks trying to vote, has spent $100 million over the past five years combating youth crime.  The program is sportingly called “Recreation to Fight Crime.”  Pretty impressive title, don’t you think?  I wonder how much they pay the guy to come up with cute names for those touchy-feely federal programs that warm the cockles of every liberals heart.  (By the way, I’ve always wondered if I had a cockle in my heart.  Maybe that’s what wrong with me; I have no cockles.)   More importantly, how the heck can I get that job?  But, I digress.  Let me see, where was I?

Oh yeah.

“Great idea,” you might say, but then again, is it a good investment to spend $20 million a year on pool parties, golf outings, roller coaster rides, film festivals, food eating contests, and much, much more.  Well, let’s see what our hundred mil could buy.  For instance:

     1.)  At $35 a round, you could play 2,857,142 rounds of golf.

     2.)  You can buy a two-day pass at Universal Studios Orlando Islands
           of Adventure for $79, and ride The Incredible Hulk roller coaster      
           eight times (give or take) a day.  That’s 10,131,712 rides.  You can
           figure about one vomit per day, so you’re looking at 2,531,645 hurls.
           Just an added bonus!

     3.)  Movie ticket-$10;  Coke-$6.50;  Popcorn-$8; Reese’s pieces-$5.00;
           cost to see one of Hollywood’s latest box office duds:  $29.50.  That’s
           3,389,830 visits to your local cineplex.  Of course, you might want to
           save some of that hundred mil for some badly needed dental work. 

     4.)  At $2.49 a pound, you could buy 40,160,642 pounds of hot dogs. 
           Let the grilling begin!
By the way, that’s not the best thing about this.  Oh no, get out your duct tape and wrap your head tightly.  Get ready, you see, that figure is just an ESTIMATE!  Because the grants are earmarked by Congress without the normal public review.  That means WE CAN’T SEE WHAT THEY’RE SPENDING OR WHAT THEY’RE SPENDING IT ON!  Well, that just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, how about you?  Hey, maybe that’s my cockles acting up!  Now I suppose it wouldn’t be so bad if the DOJ was the only agency blowing our hard-earned money on frivolous pursuits designed to garner votes for corrupt politicians, except that there are literally dozens of federal bureaucracies doing the same thing!  Now I know what you’re saying:  “We have a $1.4 TRILLION budget, a $14 TRILLION deficit, and $100 TRILLION in unfunded liabilities, so $100 million is not so much.”  Hey, I love your math skills.  Obviously you would be a good candidate for Secretary of the Treasury.  

So do you think that an 11% approval rating would make the half-wits, dim-wits and nit-wits in Congress think: “Hmm, maybe I’m doing something wrong?”  No chance in hell.  Not when the half-wits, dim-wits and nit-wits out here keep re-electing them.

So here’s the choice for your brain-dead friends:

     a.)  Vote for someone who will rein in this maniacal proliferation of spending
            (and don’t rely on just promises.  Check what they do and not what they

     b.)  Vote for someone who wants to give more of your money away, causing 
            the country (and you right along with it) to go bankrupt.

     c.)  Slit your wrists.

     d.)  Party on dude!

I sure hope you picked a.)  Because if not, we’ll all be picking c.)


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