The other day, President Obama’s Secretary of Energy, Dr. Steven Chu, was speaking at the St. James’ Palace Nobel Laureate Symposium” in London (that’s in England for those of you in public school.) giving a speech on global warm…oh excuse me, I mean global climate change of course, when he told this distinguished group of Nobel prize winners that we should paint much of the world white to reflect heat back into space and so cure global warming, er, I mean global climate change.
I didn’t make this up honest. I know it sounds like lunacy, but what else would you expect from an Obama appointee. This guy might actually be funnier than Joe Biden! He actually went on to say that building regulations should insist that all flat roofs be painted white, and visible tilted roofs could be painted with “cool-colored” paints that looked normal, but which absorbed much less heat that conventional dark surfaces. Roads could be lightened to a concrete color so they would not dazzle drivers in bright sunlight. Hang on a second please, I’m laughing so hard, I can’t typ……..
OK, I’m done. Now let’s get down to some serious business. I want to help the environment. I’m not mean, I like polar bears and Frosted Flakes. So here are my Top 10 suggestions to combat global warm, darn, I mean global climate change.
10. Let’s cover the dark blue world’s oceans with a thick layer of non-fat plain yogurt. It’s nice and white. Added plus, if the fish eat it, they’ll all live to be 100 years old!
9. Put giant mirrors on all skyscrapers and aim them at Pluto. The planet could use a little warming up.
8. No more black or brown shoes. Only white. White belt optional (no black socks with shorts.)
7. Everyone dress in white clothes during the day. Better bring extra anti-perspirant though.
6. No more lawns. Just big patches of white sand.
5. The only car colors are white or chrome. Dazzling!
4. Pick the leaves off of every tree.
3. Everyone wears tin foil on his head to reflect the sun’s rays. Tin foil can be very creative.
2. No tin foil? People with dark hair shave their heads. Blondes you’re exempt.
And the number 1 suggestion:
Black folks (and people with suntans) can only go out at night.
There you have it. My 10 simple solutions to save the planet from global warm, I mean GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE!